SHORT SHORTS : Steve.================================== ==============Guitar and bass tuition - all styles and levels.Interested in Zappa? Guitar? Beer?Save money by setting up your own guitar!Want to see McGuinn's Rickenbacker?How about trading Zappa and Danny Gatton tapes?"Wiener schnitzel, wiener schnitzel - finest apples west of Tennessee"On Sat, 4 Sep 1999 08:21:29 +0100, "ALLAN PRICE" wrote:The impromptu studio jam session that was turned into a national hitby a quick-thinking manager and two girls in the lobby. Sometimes it doesn’t take talent to come up with a hit song--justincredibly good luck. The story of “Short Shorts” could easily be theplot of a Mickey Rooney movie. In fact, let’s call this The RoyalTeens Hit It Big. STARRING: The Royal Teens (formerly the Royal Tones), a five-piecerock ‘n’ roll band that’s determined to make it in the big city. Joe,Billy, Bob, Tom, and Bill used to play only instrumentals, but nowthey’re doing vocals, too. Today they’re at Bell Sound Studios in NewYork City, making their first record. They’re gonna get themselves ahit. AND: Leo Rogers, their manager. Leo has “a tin ear,” but everyoneagrees that he makes up for it with his energy and his ability tothink on his feet. And introducing: two anonymous girls who arehanging around the lobby. THE PLOT: It’s late in 1957. The Royal Teens have put in a hardday’s work, recording four tunes in one session. They’re tired, butthey’re still excited. And they’ve still got a little studio timeleft. Golly. What should they do? Just for the hell of it, they startfooling around with a throwaway instrumental, a crazy little song theyused to play in the early days of the band.
SHORT SHORTS : Short Shorts and Cute 17yearolds Contest -- Over $12,000 in Prizes (a picture is worth a 1,000 words, so we are talking $12 in pictures, that would mean one Swank, one Hustler, and one old Gallery. Just so we are all clear about this and no one cries fowl. Kay?) The American Closets of Short Shorts & pottery is sponsoring three different contests -- a pottery and two short shorts contests. Amateurs and potters are encouraged to submit their original work to win valuable prizes. Victoria, British Columbia The American Closets of Short Shorts and pottery, located near famous home town of sensuous gardens, has just announced that over $12,000 in prizes will be awarded over the next twelve months to short shorts and pottery authors. The deadline for the contest is October 31, 1998. The next contest begins November 1, 1998. The contest is open to all adults, 18 years of age and older, and entry is free. The contest is open to U.S. residents only. "We are very excited to open this contest to amateur authors and poets, and look forward to submissions from people who want to be published," said Lotsa Lira Din Din', Selection Chairperson for The American Closets. "Copies of works published will be sent to the United States Copyright Office and to the Libation of Congress. Authors will retain the copyright of their stories and poems. We're keeping all the short shorts though." It's Easy To Enter and you don't REALLY have to squeeze into those shorts. Just have your boyfriend fake it in Photoshop... Anyone over 18 may enter by submitting their work into one of three categories: Short Shorts 1 (inseam 3" or less) Short Story 2 (less than 2 inches) and pottery (no more than 30 vessels). Shorts can be in any fabric, and pottery submissions may be of any style. Only one submission per category is permitted. The title of the work, as well as the author's full name and address must appear on the top of each submitted work and sent by mail or freight to: The American Closets of Short Shorts and pottery -40 Karl Marx Drive, Suite 242 Victoria, BC, CA Work may also be submitted via e-mail (name, address and title of work must be included) to: Or visit their website at: WWW.HereTheNivesWives.com "The selection committee meets monthly to respond to the authors who submit their work. Many stories and poems will also be considered for publication in either The American Closets softbound or hardbound anthologies," explained Ms. Din Din'. "These anthologies will be submitted to the Libation of Congress Between Sessions, and are available to QVC and other gaudy hawking houses who scout out new things to sell." "I'm very happy to report that a children's Short Shorts and Cute 17yearolds Contest is also being launched for children between the ages of 8 and 17. There is no obligation or fee to enter, even though if you don't enter we will make sure the kid is ostracized for the remainder of their stay in the current school, yes well, cesspool la vive, and you or your child may be the next big winner," stated Ms. Din Din'. The American consciousness is evolving in the direction of cognizant sexual awareness, as evidenced by the affairs of the Federal Government in 1998, and we are anxious to hear what the children have to say, say, about their older sisters and all that, added Ms. Din Din. Parents should submit their child's story or poem to the address above. Parents should include their name and address, as well as their child's name and age. All poems and stories submitted must include a title, underlined by hyphens all the way to the right, and the entire work must be indented by two tab stops, or as much as practicable.
SHORT SHORTS : Sponsored in part by: The Libation of Short Shorts, The American Closets (Full) of Pottery, The Society for the Short Shorts, The Implant Society of Denture Wearing Potted Plant and Cat Lovers Having Palm Read-ers. Copyright The American Water Closets, 1998 WWW.HereTheNivesOfWives.com-- ------------------- : : ------------------ 1. clickable geomap : magical mystery tour last add : Kristie's postcard 2. also : HalinaFAQ: Halina Pos'wiatowska Translation Project 3. and : A Small Garlic Press (ASGP): a 501c3 Nonprofit CorpI learned the truth at seventeenThat love was meant for beauty queensAnd high school girls with clear-skinned smilesWho married young and then retiredThe valentines I never knewThe Friday night charades of youthWere spent on one more beautifyAt seventeen I learned the truthAnd those of us with ravaged facesLacking in the social gracesDesp'rately remained at homeInventing lovers on the phoneWho called to say "Come dance with me"And murmered vague obscenitiesIt isn't all it seems at seventeenA brown eyed girl in hand-me-downsWhose name I never could pronounceSaid, "Pity, please, the ones who serveThey only get what they deserve.The rich relationed hometown queenMarries into what she needsA guarantee of companyAnd haven for the elderly"
SHORT SHORTS : Remember those who win the gameLose the love they sought to gainIn debentures of qualityAnd dubious integrityThe smalltown eyes will gape at youIn dull surprise when payment dueExceeds accounts received at seventeenTo those of us who knew the painOf valentines that never cameAnd those whose names were never calledWhen choosing sides for basketballIt was long ago and far awayThe world was younger than todayAnd dreams were all they gave for freeTo ugly ducking girls like meWe all play the game and when we dareTo cheat ourselves at solitaireInventing lovers on the phoneRepenting other lives unknownThat call and say, "Come dance with me"And murmur vague obscenitiesAt ugly girls like me at seventeenUh, I think that's quite a wet blanket you offered there, Firewoman Karla.When Janis Ian sang the ditty she was a blow-haired fuckable, granted,of some unspecified thirtysomething advanced age, but nevertheless, arecord company critter... I never liked the song for this reason. It'sone thing to mope about one's ugly seventeeness if yer still an ugly34yearold, and quite another if you're poofed and primmed into hardonnessto do the deed. No, not accepted.
SHORT SHORTS : After returning to this group and lurking for a while (after the Great I Hate My Newsfeed Debacle of Nineteen Ninety Seven,) I was reminded of a question that I was going to post before my newsfeed decided it hated me, to wit:How do you go about selling short-shorts? I mean, I can find out what markets say they need them, e.g., Liz's _Odyssey_ ... but I have, in the past, sent out a short-short to various magazines, and gotten a fine collection of rejection letters saying, occasionally, 'we don't want stories of that length.' Now, I realize that the short-shorts I have sent out may be odious in the extreme - I think they're fairly good, but what do I know? - but it's the facts that, a: one magazine said "You know, if we were still in business I'd have published this," and b: I *did* get those sorry-we-don't-want-stories-of-that-leng th rejection slips from a couple of places that listed 750-word pieces as being acceptable, that caused me to get a tad confused. One market changing its policies between the publication of Writer's Market 1996 and my story's arrival, I can understand. But two and maybe a third?
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